I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
