Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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