Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
