Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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