I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
