I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
