the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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