Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
