First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize