just tell him i said nine months
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
