thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They took my balls.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
