i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
