your parents love me but you hate me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
