the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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