i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
