That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
MIDGETS
????
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize