she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
