so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
