just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
