I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Boobs are out for the taking
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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