My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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