my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
