The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
