He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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