I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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