hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
