His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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