so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
