In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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