I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
