There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
