the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize