Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
