yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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