I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
