I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
