Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
