This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
