I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My vagina just recognized that song.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
