i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize