it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
