The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
