yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
