Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
