The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
not ubering you a puppy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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