I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
