Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
