highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
