It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have aggressive nipples.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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