His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize