Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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