Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize