my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
