help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize