whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
