so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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