I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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