oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
