glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
