Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
