Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Alive.
So much puke
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
