Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
