my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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