I cockslap morals
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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