I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize
