Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They took my balls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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