i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
