If that was your dad, he is hot
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
