i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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