why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
