Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
