You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
