I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
