Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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