i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
