im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
