Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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