Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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