Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
