ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
