break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
