maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
