last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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