fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
