She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
