Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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