dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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