he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize