I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
