you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
