Can i not drive my cunt home
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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